One month. I've been in California for one month. Well, just over one month. It's been a month of conflicting emotions, exploration, revealing cracks in my foundation, and discovery.
On the one hand, if I'm being completely honest, it's been hard at times. In the first week I struggled with tears and homesickness. I missed my sisters, my parents, my NICU, my home, my friends. I still miss those people and things, but after some great Skype and Google Hangout time and cards from home it's not nearly as difficult. What I do miss is socialization and sharing life with people. I get out and explore, I chat with people at work, and I try to appear friendly, but no consistent connections have developed yet. Then again, I've barely been here, so I certainly can't expect to have the same connections that I've spent years cultivating in Springfield.
On the other hand, I find myself in awe of the weather and views. It's been fun discovering parts of California, though I have quickly realized that LA traffic is so not fun that it makes me want to avoid the area. Which is a bummer because there are plenty of cool things to see and I have anticipatory dread of the traffic. I need a chauffeur. There's also a really great music scene here (duh) and that just rocks my giddy socks off.
I'm glad that I'm here. With all the conflicting feelings, with the traffic woes, with the lack of community- I'm still glad that I'm here because I'm learning things about myself. This experience has shown me weaknesses in my life that I need to tackle, but it has also shown me how much I've grown over the last few years.
Here's where The 7th Year comes in.
In week 2, Alicia talks about how in the Bible the 7th year of several instances (exile, marriages, oppression, kings' reigns) tends to be a critical year where God does something big. "Beginnings. Callings. Deliverance. Critical transtitions [...]" As I read critical transitions I wrote out: "This is a critical transition for me. Sink or swim. Draw closer or live in complacency. A choice. A call to rise up."
You guys, this is a critical time for me. A time to put the last few years of growth into practice. A time to decide if when life is harder if I'll allow myself to sink into sadness, bad habits, a shallow spiritual walk OR will I swim? Will I fight the currents when it's hard knowing that the end result is worth it? Will I allow God to use this time to refine me, develop me, carry me? I admit that this first month has been a bit of both... of allowing myself to float and drift a bit, but also realizing when I'm drifting too much and refusing to allow myself be carried by the tide. (Am I even using the correct water metaphors? I'm a landlocked girl.) Here's the thing: I sense God with me. Waiting just outside the bubble that my little transition has put around me. My bubble of defense against all the change I've brought into my life. He hasn't left me or wandered. He shows himself and that it's me choosing the distance. So even though I've chosen the space, He hasn't left. It's like He knows I'm trying to get my bearings and figure it out. And I do choose God. He knows it, I know it, but the rebellious spirit in me that has trust issues has the bubble up trying to make sure that my Father has not brought me into something more than I can manage.
In this critical transition I choose to break that bubble, to reach out my hand to God and ask Him to walk through this with me. I know that this season, while hard, is not something that's impossible. In fact, it's a season that is going to result in something beautiful and good. That doesn't mean easy, but the best things in life rarely come from easy, right? I'll be a pearl from the coal mines (you'll have to have read The Hunger Games for that to make sense).
"In the 7th year, divine purpose manifested in human history. Divine purpose manifested in human history." I think that this season will reveal my place in human history. My question to myself is what is MY divine purpose? What in the history of my life will be looked back upon? As I pondered this I, I thought back to Springfield. I feel like my purpose there was to invite others in... whether it was having people over to love on them during dinners and parties or investing in the NICU babies and parents. I love taking care of people. I guess that's my divine purpose: to love on people, to encourage and see them. And so my mission begins to figure out how I translate that to California and my future locations.
Whew. The 7th Year study is good stuff. It definitely spurs my brain and heart into action, which is exactly what I need when the desire to float is prevailing over the desire to swim.
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