Okay, it's technically 14 months later, but whatevs. Let's not get bogged down with the details. In the time since my last post, I finished my assignment in Seattle, moved down the Santa Maria, CA, then returned to the hospital where I took my first travel job with plans of going home at the beginning of 2014....only to decide I wasn't finished yet. I ended up back in Seattle at a different hospital and have committed to staying here for the rest of the year. So let's just say that life has not gone according to my plan. Or at least my original plan.
People routinely ask me what comes next and I struggle to answer them. I honestly don't know what comes next. After traveling for the last 2 1/2 years, I'm not sure where I see myself. I desperately miss people from back home, but I'm not sure that I want to return. I really like Seattle and my current hospital, but do I like it enough to make a permanent move? My time in California was good, but I don't quite see myself there. Nashville seems to be an up and coming city, which intrigues me. But is that reason enough to move somewhere? I'm at odds with myself. Part of me loves larger cities and part of me gets a little weary. I really enjoy being at a teaching hospital, so does that mean I should look at places with teaching hospitals? The mountains, trees, and water feel right to me here.... and yet I recently find myself missing the ocean. I love watching the seasons change which is something I've missed over the last couple years. I've nearly been in a perpetual Spring/Summer, which sounds nice but leaves this Midwest girl missing autumn leaves and watching the snow fall. I'd like to plant roots next year, but I'm just not sure where that will be.
It can be frustrating at times, to have this giant unknown ahead of me. I'm caught between what was and what will be. Yet, I know it's going to be fine. I will end up exactly where I'm supposed to be. At some point, I'm going to wake up and realize that where I am feels right. And it's going to make me smile. I'll head to my local Starbucks for my chai tea latte, return to my new home, turn on the Gilmore Girls, snuggle up on the couch to read, create a little quilting nook where I can stretch out my latest project, cook dinner in my very own kitchen, and maybe even play with my new puppy. I'm excited for those days. I'm excited because I will know that all this uncertainty has led me there.
I've learned so much about myself as I've traveled. I've grown in ways I hadn't anticipated. I'm sure I've uttered those comments before, but they're true. And I've learned more since the last time I said them. I didn't realize I needed this experience to help shape me into the person I'm becoming and will be. However, God knew. He knew what I needed to let go and move on, he understood that living in the unknown silence would sharpen strength that I hadn't even realized I possessed. He knew that this was the turning point in my life. Living with Stalena and Sesha was a gift. A beautiful foundation of friendship and love, true community in its purest form. Those girls and their unconditional friendship had given me courage to step out. They were the start and this latest season is both an end and a beginning. I'm full of anticipation at what's ahead because the last few years have been so good. Not necessarily easy, but good. One day I'll share more specifics, but tonight I'm just going to soak in the fact that this time has had such an intentional purpose even though it's often felt like wandering.
2 days ago